I'm hopeful today. I think I have to be. It's too tiring to be sad. I woke up with new hope, which is something I haven't had in a long time.

Last night one of Mom's friends shared a story of her daughter who was in a coma. Doctors told them that her daughter wouldn't live again. She is now a normal, healthy person. I have to believe that and think it might happen to Dad too. He couldnt have been brought back just to be a vegetable. Anyway, tons of people have called Mom and told her similar stories of people in Dad's position that are now healthy, happy, normal people. I HAVE to believe he'll be healthy and normal soon. I'm tired of thinking otherwise.

And Mom said that we will keep trying and keep him alive as long as he has brain activity. We won't give up until doctors say he doesn't have any brain activity. That may take days or months but we're not going to give up on him until he's braindead. We owe that to him.

I left work yesterday and told them I wouldn't be back until Monday. They are completely supportive of me and are making sure I am taken care of financially during this time. I am extremely grateful for them. I came back to San Antonio to be with Mom, Dad, and my brother. When I left on Monday afternoon, I felt like I was abandoning them. So I'm here now to be there for them.

I cried on the way to San Antonio. I prayed. I remembered things about Dad that I love. Mom asked me to stop by their house and pick up his iPod - we were going to play music for him to see if that helps. When I got to the house, I started going through Dad's stuff. Just touching things that are his. Smelling his cologne. Laughing at how none of his socks are unmatched - he hated missing socks. As I looked through his things, I found his gun. I really struggled with that. I later told Mom to hide the gun - I don't want to be tempted like that.

I brought his iPod to the hospital but it wouldn't work. So I pulled out mine and selected Janis Joplin. When I was a kid, Dad shared her music with me, so I felt it was right to share it again with him. He got the left earbud, I got the right. I laid my head next to his, held his hand, and we listened to Joplin for about 2 hours. I cried, I prayed, I talked to him. But sharing the music with him was a very beautiful experience. I want to sit with him and listen to her again - only with him awake and healthy. I want him to tell me that he remembered when I played music for him and how he enjoyed the experience.

Today Mom and I spent time with Dad. We gave him a small washcloth bath, then Mom read all the get-well cards that he received and I massaged his hands and feet. I was able to get more circulation to his hands so the swelling went down and they were warmer. I was able to uncurl the fingers and warm them up. Mom said they looked much better.

I have to stay positive.

That is how I feel today.