It is hard to only eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. Why is that? Have I really become so ignorant of my own body that I can't listen??
We medicate and ignore our own needs... why is that? Maybe we want to be fucked up. Maybe we have this self-defeating attitude. Maybe we're just weird.
Either way, I'm working very hard to listen to my body's hunger signals. Your body will tell you what it needs -- you just have to listen.
It was hard tonight... I was full. Pushed my plate away (with uneaten food tempting me to gorge myself). And Chris, after eating his entire meal, goes and gets an ice cream cone. My mind thinks: why can't I have an ice cream cone? Why can't I enjoy my entire meal?
That's going to be one of the harder things for me to accomplish: being okay with my body and ignoring what other people eat or do. If he's still hungry, he should be able to keep eating. And if he's overeating, he'll have to deal with that himself.
But that brings up something else: his health. I worry about him. I don't want him to have a heart attack (family history of heart probs) or end up in the hospital for other issues that could have been prevented. I've asked him many times to get a physical. Oh, he says he'll do it later... never happens. I worry, but will be pissed if he ends up in the hospital for an easily preventable ailment.
I guess I love him. Go figure.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Update
So yesterday I worked on eating by listening to my body and nothing else. Didn't count points or calories. It went pretty well. Felt like a lot of stress had been lifted. Only problem was that I couldn't have caffeine all day since I was taking an adrenal test. THAT was hard! By 7:00pm I was about ready to crash. I fell asleep on the couch when I got home from work and was in a DEEP sleep! Then after the hubby and I watched tv, I fell asleep again!
This morning I woke up to a headache from hell. Drank a chai latte but didn't help that much. I may end up just going to starbucks and getting my iced vanilla latte. Those things invoke a happiness that I can't describe. You know when you see a baby and its pooping its pants? You know that grin that it gets? Yeah, that's how I feel when I drink my vanilla latte. :) Pure bliss.
Anyway, back to the food. I did pretty well with listening to my body when eating. Didn't pig out on anything at work. Dinner was a little more difficult because I wanted to relax with food. But I think I still did pretty well. I'm hoping that if I keep this up, I will get over the fact that I can eat whatever I want and will start choosing fruits and veggies to eat.
I think what complicated the pm eating was the lack of caffeine. I needed something sugary to keep me awake. I still think I did pretty well.
Today will be another test. Will I overeat since I don't have work to keep me busy? I'm going to try my hardest to continue to listen to my body. Today is my meeting w/ my nutritionist. We'll talk about this stuff and I'll get more direction. Maybe set some goals.
... sorry I'm all over the place. That's how I feel today.
This morning I woke up to a headache from hell. Drank a chai latte but didn't help that much. I may end up just going to starbucks and getting my iced vanilla latte. Those things invoke a happiness that I can't describe. You know when you see a baby and its pooping its pants? You know that grin that it gets? Yeah, that's how I feel when I drink my vanilla latte. :) Pure bliss.
Anyway, back to the food. I did pretty well with listening to my body when eating. Didn't pig out on anything at work. Dinner was a little more difficult because I wanted to relax with food. But I think I still did pretty well. I'm hoping that if I keep this up, I will get over the fact that I can eat whatever I want and will start choosing fruits and veggies to eat.
I think what complicated the pm eating was the lack of caffeine. I needed something sugary to keep me awake. I still think I did pretty well.
Today will be another test. Will I overeat since I don't have work to keep me busy? I'm going to try my hardest to continue to listen to my body. Today is my meeting w/ my nutritionist. We'll talk about this stuff and I'll get more direction. Maybe set some goals.
... sorry I'm all over the place. That's how I feel today.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Test
So the nutritionist tells me I should try something... something revolutionary: don't count points or calories - just eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full. Let your body tell you what you want to eat and how much.
Scary! Something so simple should be so easy... but it usually isn't. I'm going to try this for two days. Will update as it progresses.
Scary! Something so simple should be so easy... but it usually isn't. I'm going to try this for two days. Will update as it progresses.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Beginning
... How many blogs have I started? Journals, scraps of paper, notebooks, blogs... all of these have been started by me at some point. I write something hopeful, promising myself that I will write every day and become a better person in the process.
Doesn't happen.
I write a few pages, post a few entries, and then quit. A new blog or journal comes about and I start the process over again.
But isn't that how I live my life? I move from one diet to the next, hoping each one will have the answers. And the moment there's a problem, I ditch that diet and move on to the next. So now I'm working on sticking with a diet. Sticking with a solution. And that's hard!
Doesn't happen.
I write a few pages, post a few entries, and then quit. A new blog or journal comes about and I start the process over again.
But isn't that how I live my life? I move from one diet to the next, hoping each one will have the answers. And the moment there's a problem, I ditch that diet and move on to the next. So now I'm working on sticking with a diet. Sticking with a solution. And that's hard!
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