Stress

I am SO STRESSED about work. There's so much to do and I don't know if I'll get it all done tomorrow. I need to turn in JM but before I can do that, I have to make a few changes. I need to review final documentation for RC and turn that in. I need to call KD and make an appt. And the biggest stressor (and has been for awhile): I need to generate two samples and pull lists for PCM. There's also a different audit that I need to work on but that can wait if need be. The biggest stressor is PCM. When I showed up to begin the audit, he didn't have anything ready. The problem with that is I'm booked two months in advance with other audits. So I haven't had time to work on his stuff - been too busy with other audits. But the deadline is quickly approaching and I need to get this done.

And vacation starts this Saturday but I was hoping to have Friday off. Won't happen if I can't get all of this done, though. I'll be in the office tomorrow and possibly Thursday. If I can get the above stuff done then, I'll be in good shape. My fear, though, is that I won't. Ugh, this is frustrating. And I worked all weekend. I had Sat, Sun, and today off - but worked all three days at home. I took this job so that I could just have a guaranteed 40 hrs a week. But here I am working way over the 40 hr mark. And mgt would tell me to not do that. Hell, everyone tells me not to do that. But I DON'T KNOW HOW TO NOT DO THAT!!! I NEED SOMEONE TO SHOW ME HOW TO BE QUICKER IN MY AUDITs!!! I'm hoping that Tanyika will be able to help me in that area. I just feel like I'm so far into it that I'm supposed to know by now.

I don't know what I'm going to do. When I'm working I'm thinking about how I shouldn't be working at home, but when I try to relax, I just think about working. This stress makes my head hurt.

I just have so much pressure to do the right thing in every part of my life. Be the best auditor, the best wife, have the cleanest home and the healthiest & happiest pets. Get all my work done during the given 40 hrs/week. Eat the right things. Take all my meds and vitamins. Understand all the tax rules. And on top of that, I have to exercise!!!!! How am I supposed to do all of that??!

... I thought that blogging this would help me feel better. But it hasn't. I don't know what to do. Can someone please give me a lobotomy and let me hide under a rock?

What can it be?

So I went to the doctor today. While discussing my general health, I give her the test results from the adrenal test. She looks it over and says that it sounds like I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. She doesn't want to diagnose me until I see an endocronoligist (sp?). Shit. But before I can see that specialist, she wants me to take some medication for it... you know, just in case. Prescribes me some medication for that and refers me to a specialist. Then we're talking about my stressful job and everything. Ooh, looks like I should be on antidepressants again. Prescribes me Wellbutrin. Oh, and since I've had a few panic attacks w/in the last year, she prescribes me klonopin as well. I'm going to be a walking medicine cabinet before too long.

Part of me feels hopeful. I've been very tired, have been unable to lose weight (no matter what I try) and have been feeling all around shitty for awhile now. So if there's a pill (or two) that will fix these problems, hell yeah give them to me!

But then there's also something to say about over medicating America. Didn't Michael Moore do a movie about that? I want to get better, but is medication the only way? I'm a natural girl. I'm of the mindset that a few more fruits and veggies and maybe an herb here and there should help me out. But then I might be wrong.

I have two voices - that of my doctor and that of my naturalist therapist/nutritionalist. Who do I listen to? What kind of side effects will this medication have in ten years? Am I lengthening or shortening my life by taking this medication? What kind of horrible side effects will I have in a week?

I just want to feel normal.