Wow

It is hard to only eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. Why is that? Have I really become so ignorant of my own body that I can't listen??

We medicate and ignore our own needs... why is that? Maybe we want to be fucked up. Maybe we have this self-defeating attitude. Maybe we're just weird.

Either way, I'm working very hard to listen to my body's hunger signals. Your body will tell you what it needs -- you just have to listen.

It was hard tonight... I was full. Pushed my plate away (with uneaten food tempting me to gorge myself). And Chris, after eating his entire meal, goes and gets an ice cream cone. My mind thinks: why can't I have an ice cream cone? Why can't I enjoy my entire meal?

That's going to be one of the harder things for me to accomplish: being okay with my body and ignoring what other people eat or do. If he's still hungry, he should be able to keep eating. And if he's overeating, he'll have to deal with that himself.

But that brings up something else: his health. I worry about him. I don't want him to have a heart attack (family history of heart probs) or end up in the hospital for other issues that could have been prevented. I've asked him many times to get a physical. Oh, he says he'll do it later... never happens. I worry, but will be pissed if he ends up in the hospital for an easily preventable ailment.

I guess I love him. Go figure.